Describe your writing and revision process below. What can be improved as you work on your final draft of Essay 3?
College Writing 1: Monsters and/in Culture | Spring 2018
A COURSE SITE FOR ENGLISH 110, SECTIONS 3 & 26 | Professor Christopher Williams
i still need to figure out what my thesis is because i have three thesis and i dont know which one i should focus on. Then, I need to make sure the type of sources that i have found so far so that i could use them to connect to my film.
i need to break my central question to subquestions and find subpoints and the subpoints must connect to my thesis and the subpoint is trying to show /serve the thesis.
So far my revision for Essay 3 has been doing really good progress, I feel like my essay is more structured and I know now what main points I am hitting. But I do feel that as I work on my Final draft, what I can improve is my lens analysis and making it stronger, also adding in my argument to show the stand I am making versus the stand that already exists. I feel I have been having a bit of difficulty with that due to the flow of my writing but now that it is becoming more connected and makes more sense, perhaps adding in my argument will give it the stronger argument that readers can understand. I also hope to make sure that each of my paragraphs connect to my thesis and it isn’t just writing with no points being made. I will keep working on using my theoretical sources to help me build a better lens analysis as I analyze my exhibit.
In order to deepen my lens analysis, I need to read the lens analysis handout and making sure that my own lens analysis is hitting the 5 points that makes a good strong lens analysis paragraph. I also need to carefully read through the scholarly model essay and break it down to see how they are using lens analysis and how I can improve mine from the tactics they are doing. Also I need to review the sources handout to make sure that each source is connecting to the lens analysis I am explaining to the readers.
My writing process involves writing write in my notebook about how I’m going to structure my essay. I take a section of writing and organize it with one after another- and include what points I want to make. Then following that outline, I start writing the essay. Along the way, if I’m missing sources, I gather more sources and try to see how it will fit my writing. If I think of a point I haven’t thought of before- I write it down in its appropriate section in the guideline to be added to the essay later.
My argument chain can be improved in Essay 3. In a lot of times, I provide an argument without sufficient evidence. Some other times, I present arguments without thinking about the possible counterarguments. The thing that I feel I suffer from the most, and what needs to be fixed in the final revision, is that often times I present arguments that are irrelevant or not as important to the main point of the essay. I need to learn to better recognize which argument strengthens the point in my essay, not another point.
I also rely really heavily on feedback, so that too.
First I need to read my lens analysis handout, as I feel that I’m losing touch with what that actually does. In the lens analysis, instead of vague descriptions, I should specify, precise scene descriptions. If that thing occurs more than once and it’s prominent in the entire film- I have to provide an example which makes it clear that this happens many times throughout the film.
Also, my analysis should lead to my thesis not the other way around. I have to brush off the idea of a fixed thesis as that stunts the growth of my argument chain.
I also have to email the librarian for the rest of the sources that I have not yet found.
The most important thing I need to revise is that revise structure of my essay. Because while I was writing my essay, I felt that I miss some chance of developing my argument further. In addition, I need to identify the function of each paragraph. Even though I follow the model structure in my essay, I cannot definitely sure that they are doing the right way, such as some analyze essay did not get a strong claim. Maybe I need to revise my PAS outline first so that I can be clearer to know that kind of claim and conclusion can get from each paragraph.
Therefore, now, I need to review the argument and evidence in my essay and check whether they fit with each other, or whether is them are reasonable. Then, I need to check lens handout and see whether my lens analysis paragraphs have five steps.
– The way I write is by collecting information and putting my ideas in a file. When I done, go over what I wrote and fix any mistakes, also adding new ideas and removing something that I think shouldn’t be there. When I am done making changes I usually ask either my tutor or someone else to read it and get feedback from them. Base on the feedback I made all the necessary changes before submitting it. When I got it back from my Professor I go over every point he includes in the feedback trying to fix it and when I believe its finally fix it I marked it down in the essay with the feedback I got back, after that again I ask someone else to read it and get comments to make any additional changes if necessary before resubmitting it. What I need to improve in my final draft essay 3 is the analysis.
I also need to find better sources to provide a better analysis
To improve my essay I need to find better theoretical sources (go to the library) to be able have a better theory and provide a stronger argument and analysis in my last essay.
For essay3 formalB i changed everything from essay A. I am clear that we are writing the same thing with the first two essays, but we have to find the sources ourselves. however, the sources are the most difficult thing for me when i wrote essay. i am not sure the sources i found would be suitable to develop my thesis. And my arguments may be inefficiency due to those sources. and my analysis may be a little rush to my thesis. the important thing i need to do is to develop my argument more deeply by using more suitable sources.
1. ask librarian for help determined the suitable
2. review the lens analysis handout and effective argument handout.
3. make each paragraph connect to each other.
me too
For my revision for final essay three.I should improve my introduction, introducing problems to the readers more clearly. I need to find more theoretical source. I need to have lot of analysis paragraphs. I need to use more sources. Work on the PAS paragraph for an effective paragraphing.
First of all i need to go to library then i need more than 2 functions of sources like theoretical , argument source. I to stay problem first then questions then subquestion and research then analyze and produce my thesis.
In final essay 3 , I to add more detail and analyze it, also make argument stronger. Also, I still need explain my view more clearly to show my thesis. I can’t correctly use quote to connect to my thesis.
I need to read the hand out about paragraph, and review the note in class, follow it and check with my essay is that miss anything. I will read carefully the student model how they write an essay. I need to keep continue find more source, and claim my argument.Furthermore, my argument is weak, so I need to spent more time to figure out how to improve it.
First, I need to make a more clear thesis and argument and follow the paths of argument to develop my our argument. I need make sure which one is more important. And then, I have to do more research and find more useful sources to develop my essay and give more details.
I need read the model essay – scholarly research essay more carefully. And I need to go to the library to find more sources.
I learned that the writing process takes time and patience. Writing it self should be slow when analyzing quotes and the exhibits. Revisions are helpful because it highlights the flaws of the essay. Feedback is also something to look forward to, it allows me to know where I stand in the writing process and tells me where to focus when revising an essay for submission. As I work on essay 3 I need to improve on developing ideas to strengthen the argument that I am trying to make. Liking theory with the exhibit, context and reviews from the critics and sync them together to make a strong persuasive argument. An argument that even if it’s not accepted, I should make the reader think a few times before dismissing it.
I need to go to the library.
I need to prepare a semi final draft
I need to go sign up for the last office hour.
I need to revise the semi final draft
Submit final draft.
Currently I’m having trouble with the main thesis. I’m not sure how to introduce my argument. Also, I’m not sure about my sources.
how to use my sources
me too
synthesis my argument
talk with someone else
analyze the sources and exhibit together
talk with someone else
read some helpful handouts
look at the model essay
I also need conduct rhetorical or lens analysis in my final draft, because I did not conduct any rhetorical or lens analysis in my formal A draft. And I still need identify the key words in my questions to guide my research for theoretical sources I need to analyze the film myself.
I need find more effective and more useful sources from more ways, eg. Library, or library website, make them to connect to my question.
My writing process includes me, creating an outline for the structure of my essay. I then incorporate my own ideas with the ideas and statements of my sources. To improve my essay I need to, include more theoretical sources. This will allow me to do more lens analysis of more specific parts of the essay. Also, I should revise lens analysis. I need to be able to not summarize as much, but analyze ideas and connect it to the problem I am writing about. Also I need to be able to incorporate and express my own ideas fluently in order for someone to clearly understand my argument. I should also have someone read my essay and then give me feedback, so that I could see what areas need to be improved and revised in order for me to produce a better essay.
To improve my essay even further, I should speak to the librarian about sources and use the advice given to me so I can introduce more theoretical sources. To be more precise, I should analyze my exhibit again and provide my argument with sufficient evidence. I also need to explain further why my sources connect with my thesis, and make sure that my analysis of my exhibit leads me to my thesis and argument. Also, I should underline my thesis and topic sentence of each paragraph, so I can connect the rest of the paragraph with my topic sentence. I should do revision and reread the PAS outline handout, so I can be specific and precise in my PAS outline.
I confuse Japanese pacifism, so I want to talk to professor to get some advice. I need to do more research for theoretical sources to support my ideas and further develop my theses.
In order to get useful theoretical sources, I need to search the sources on the internet and go to the library.